5.12.02

Door swings slowly open, revealing a cowled head.  Or rather, what would be a head it if had any form to it.  Still, it exudes cheeriness, in a strictly creepy sort of way.

[Hi! I’m the Voice of Reason.  Erin rarely lets me out, but she’s not paying much attention.  I’ll be your host for today…]

The door slams.

Sorry about that.  He tends to get in the way, so I keep him in there.  Like Jordan says: “Y’know the little voice that tells you right from wrong?  Yeah, I don’t have that.”

[She has me instead.]

The obvious problem with keeping THAT around is that he tends to pop out of his hiding place at the most inopportune moments. Like today.

[I’ve been in here for a while…]

Whatever.  Just keep it to a minimum.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.  I’m just so relaxed, it’s almost frightening.  APs are over, and I feel like I should be out of school.  I’m not, of course, and I’ll realize that tomorrow.  But in the meantime, this has been a good, good weekend. 

Friday (AFTER AP History), I threw my house open to anyone who wanted to show up.  At first, it was just me an’ Cush watching Office Space.  Then Carter, Seg, Reid, Andrew, James, Brin, Elissa, and Kitz showed up.  We got partway through History of the World Part I before we departed to see Heiner’s band play at Midlothian High School .  How exciting.  They were actually pretty good, and their bassist is my new best friend.  He just doesn’t know it yet.

[You might want to tell him.]

Shut up.  I have a thing for bassists.  I think it stems from the fact that I simply can’t seem to get both sets of fingers to do what theirs do.  (Meanwhile, I’m getting so frustrated that I’m about set to fork for lessons. Bah.)  But Travis is inordinately cool, and as such, everyone wants him.  He’s attractive, funny, musical (that’s the deal-breaker), and…well, male.  We all went back to my house after dinner at the mall, and he was going to join us.  And when he couldn’t, he actually called to say he wouldn’t be showing up.

That was what did it for me.

[You don’t have terribly high standards, do you?]

Bite me.  I dated Eisenman, remember?

[Right.  You should listened to me, I told -]

Erin nails the door shut.

That should fix that.  So as I was saying, I like Travis.  I’ll chat with him online as soon as I get his screen name from Carter.  I like making new friends.

Anyway, Seg and Carter and I hit Hot Topic to browse and because Seg’s pants were from there and were just that cool.  I was, to be quite honest, disgusted and floored.  I’ve never seen a bigger poseur store in my life.  And I’ve seen quite a few. I’d never been into the store before - the only one in the area just opened recently - but I've seen their online catalog and heard lots about it.

Granted, I saw an awesome pair of plaid pants there that I would love to own. But the fact that they're fifty dollars floored me. And the pack of tiny, blond, fifteen-year old girls looking at the lace-up corset prom dresses and saying 'oh, that's cool' was borderline disgusting. Not to mention the fact that all of the clothes looked...well...contrived.

I can't articulate well how I felt wandering around in there. Yeah, if I had cash, I could do some damage. The band shirts were nice. The pants were very cool. But some of the stuff was so clearly and blatantly designed for marketing to any and all crowds that I almost walked out.  As it was, I only bought a hackey sack (it says 'kick me' on it.)

Eh, but whatever.  I don’t feel like being outspoken because…well, I don’t.  Ha!  

[Can I - ]

Dude, the walls are too thin in here.

What else…not terribly much.  I just feel…good.  After we got home on Friday, we hung out and played Nintendo for a while.  Danny and Lora showed up.  Cush came back.  Gordo showed up.  Taylor, Michael, Danny, Brett, and Owen showed up.  We all went outside, and I walked down the street to Taylor ’s with him and the rest of his boys.  I really like that group of people.  They’re just fun.  Granted, they play at gay all the time, but it’s funny.  They’re intelligent, articulate, amusing people that I’m perfectly comfortable being around.

[Not very articulate today, are you?]

I really don’t have to take this kind of crap from you, you know…

[Do you have a choice?]

Hell, I’ve ignored you up to this point…

But on the other hand, I do enjoy having other voices in my entries.  Gives me someone to talk to.  But only when I want to chat.

So Josh can come to Prom.  Yay.  It’s next Saturday, and I’m actually quite excited about it.  No strings, no nothing; he goes home the next morning and I never have to see him again if I don’t want to.  Ideally, I’ll want to, but with my previous dance experience, anything can happen. 

[You really should…]

Don’t make me get the blowtorch.  And speaking of blowtorches, I may just be heading a publication with that name next year.  The problem I’ve been having with the Match is that the school pays for it, so we have to fall within their guidelines.  If we publish a website (free) with our own opinions, they can’t stop us, even if we distribute it to the entire Upper School .  It should be fun, and maybe even productive.  If they don’t pay for it, they can’t tell us what to say.  And we have a lot to say that they’d rather we keep to ourselves.

I miss Justin.  Really, I do.  I can’t even totally articulate why; I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he and I hit it off really well, got along beautifully, and had fun hanging out at work.  I don’t know if I’ll see him before August, which is sad.  All I wanted was to get to say goodbye, and I had to stay home.  I’m still pissed about that.  He’s just a cool guy that I happen to work with.  He’s way too old for me, but we’re friends, and I don’t like missing friends.

[Awww…]

I’ll do it.

I worked last night for sixish hours. I was exhausted when I got home, but relaxed.  I only had one party, and the rest of the time pretty much hung out. I took Darren home, and we had a lovely chat about musicals, people, and life…I like making friends at work.  I also like the fact that even though I’m almost ten years younger than him, and he’s taught kids my age, he didn’t talk down to me.  We were equals, and it was nice.

[Maybe it was just because he needed a ride.]

Quiet.  Let me delude myself, dammit.  I generally end up happier when I’m in my own little world.  Kinda like now.  The grandparents are outside, and I’m hiding back here, writing a journal entry that’s actually gotten quite long but still has no point.  Therefore, I shall close with a snippet of a chat I had with Danny, and be gone.   

Me: so apparently [name deleted] is a good Christian boy.
Danny: corrupt him.
Me: I may.
Danny: show him the ways of the dark side
Me: but I also need to be sure to not offend him.
Danny: heh, then show him the "fun" parts of being non-Christian
Me: like premarital sex?
Danny: aka, play with his fun parts
Me: Dude, we need to stop thinking alike.
Danny: Great minds think alike
Me: So do really dirty ones.

 

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