4.30.02
I forget where I got this, but it never fails to amuse me.
"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea
'Axis of Evil"
-- N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA and SYRIA FORM "AXIS OF JUST AS
EVIL"
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing -- Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than "that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of" in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics.
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
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Come on, you know it's funny.
Not much else has been going on, but I figured I might as well update one more time in April before it becomes May. APs start next week, and I'm too panicked to even worry about 'em. I'm more focused on not killing anyone and surviving school without falling asleep.
I have so much to do tonight it's astounding. I'm sure I won't get it all done, but that's nothing surprising. I've undertaken an enormous English project that probably won't get done, so I'll have to just write the stupid paper. Making a movie in two weeks isn't going to be easy or fun, but it would be damn cool.
Barring that, though, I still have a French paper to write tonight, as well as several brochure designs to do and the like. I hate the last month or so of school. They try and get everything crammed in here that they couldn't do in the rest of the year...and we all get screwed.
In other news, Charles got his hair cut and looks somewhat like a wet rat.
In other other news, Kitz and I sang in front of the entire high school today as a part of our announcement for the Choral Concert on Thursday. It was fun.
Still more news: I've got a column for the match next year (YAY!) It's about time, is all I have to say. I'm really excited about it. Granted, it's not the designated humor column, but it's World News, wherein I should have almost as much liberty. The columnist for it this year was more than a little humorous and took things lightly because he's a funny guy.
Finally, I still need a date to Prom. It's in less than three weeks, and I'm torn between three options. I think I'll go for the longest-shot (and therefore most desirable) tonight or tomorrow, and then flip a coin if he says no. Hehe. I'm not planning on this being a stellar night; it's a school dance, for the love of Pete. But hey, if he's cute, what's the harm?