4.14.02
Well, if nothing else good came out of me not being cast in the play, I still met a cute boy.Granted, I’d’ve met him if I’d been cast, been in tech, or just tagged along to the cast party, because that’s where I encountered him. But at least I get to feel better about this whole Asst. Director gig.
The rest of it really kinda sucked. I got to watch the show from the house, but I had to do it six nights running. Friday was by far the best night...we had a great crowd for a spring show, and I enjoyed it.
Anyway, apropos of nothing, one of Zach's cousins or friends or somebody was there...his name's Seth, he was a nice guy, and I got his email address. And I'm actually engaged in a conversation with him right now. He also reminded me that I had a project to do, so I did it. And while the play wasn't a total wash, I do plan fully on being cast in the musical. I know I can sing, even if I can't act.
And how do I know I can sing? Well, I am going to All-State in two weeks. The music's fun, the people're fun, and I get to miss two days of school. What could be better?
Besides being in college, having a loving boyfriend, and being a 5.12 climber, that is...
Well, I did an eleven yesterday. And another a few days prior. So I'm a 5.11 climber. I'm gettin' there. Well, except for college and boys.
Sweet 16 was a complete and utter disaster. I'm not going to prom unless I get asked, and I won't. Boys are useless, I've decided. Granted, some of my best friends are boys, but when I look back on it, what good have they afforded me?
Wait, that's not true. I think I should be saying that about girls. Or maybe I'm just feeling cynical. I know I'm feeling lonely. Honest-to-God, the next person I see draping him/herself all over the significant other is going to get smacked. I'm just at odds with the world lately, and PDA is rude, plain and simple. And some of my best friends have decided to say 'fuck you, Erin, we know you hate it, we know it annoys you, but we'll do it anyway because we can.'
I dunno if I ever pondered my stock in life before, but I will now, briefly. I feel often like I'm just a prop for everyone else to laugh with, talk to, or inspire. But if I dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, would anyone even notice? What's the point of knowing me if I really serve no real purpose except as another friend?
When those two boys from Freeman died, I was appalled at the outpouring of grief for people no one really even knew that well.
So that's why y'all keep me around. If I die, there'll be one more person to mourn, one more person to milk my life for all of the hugs and pity they can get. "I knew her," they might say. "She was in my study hall one year..."
Dammit. I wasn't going to get philosophical with this. I apologize if you didn't expect it. (Or, like Seth, just read this to see his name in print.)
See? I am good for something. Now go look at the pictures.