03.05.02
Two boys from a local high school died in a car accident last night.I knew of both of them, but hadn't actually met either of them that I remember. They both went to the church of a good friend of mine, so it's possible we crossed paths...regardless, I've been as shaky as the rest of everyone today
It was strange that everyone, before we knew what had happened, felt...off. Chorus sounded wrong. The entire atmosphere of the school was flatter than usual. And then we saw the people sobbing in the halls, on the sidewalks, in empty classrooms.
I collected bits of the story throughout the day. In math class, the entire class had no focus; we stared at the ceiling. Some fought back tears, others played calculator games, and others, myself included, tried to figure out what was going on. A thousand possibilities ran through my head. I'd heard the words 'car crash' and 'killed on impact.' I knew it couldn't've been someone from Collegiate; they would have called us into an all-school assembly...we wouldn't be in class...so who?
I found out that it was two boys from Freeman. I got their names from Becca at lunch. Every one of my teachers told us that we were like zombies. And I suppose we all were. All of the teachers were watching the students closely, as though expecting us to break down. We all looked at each other, wondering if the other was sniffling because of a cold, or because of something else...
Collegiate is a very close community. Everyone knows everyone else, and even if you weren't directly connected to the boys who died, you knew someone who was. You knew someone who was grieving. And that hurts.
People were walking the halls silently; the lunchroom was eerily quiet. We all went about our daily lives, but with the added suspicion that we could, at any time, say the wrong thing and make someone burst into tears.
The words that hung, unspoken, in the air were deadly: "Did you know them?"
Becca did. It was so strange to watch her talk about them in past tense...everyone did. We accepted it, without even really knowing why. It still seems removed from me. Maybe because I didn't know them. Maybe because I'm supposed to believe that 'it can't happen to me.'
Aaron would have been 22 last month. Chris died two years ago this month. Amy counts herself lucky to have never lost a peer. Me? I'm not so blessed. But do I want to be? The death of a peer makes your own life so immediate. I remembered that I'd been stressing over dates, grades, and parents. Adam and Phillip never have to worry again. They never get to worry. And the catch phrase for today was 'it really makes you think.'
But does it really? Yesterday, those boys were thinking about the same things as any other pair of high schoolers. And while we were all a little foggy today, we still had that test to study for, the dance to find a date to, or the Starbuck's run that needed to be accomplished. Life goes on, and while there are many, many people who have been affected by this tragedy, we can't use it as an excuse to get all metaphorical and poetic. Maybe I'm insensitive, but honestly, I prefer to look at myself as practical. I'm a little shocked, a little confused, and a little exhausted, mentally and physically. It's been a trying day in many regards, and I don't want to wrap this up. I'm afraid I'll leave something out.
And if I do, I may never get to amend it.